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A field of white flowers stands before you. Orchids, they are. One is dripping blood that once flowed upon it from a hand cast away from a now limp body. Still warm, it almost steams in the chill air. Eyes are watching you, disapproving of your compassion towards the fallen one. You've lost all that mattered, your own flesh and blood, your son. Sent off to battle with the rest of the men that hit the age of 14. "He's ready to fight," they said. "He's ready for battle now, he can handle it," they pleaded. But they were wrong, in your eyes.

Shedding one, solitary tear, you try to turn, but cannot tear yourself away. A wind rushes past you from the west, eager to make its way home for supper. Wrapping your cloak tighter around your body, you wish to feel more than the evening chill. But alas, the sun is setting fast.

Will you turn away from the limp bundle of white and return to your people, keeping up appearances that you're not sure even exist, ir will you pick the flower marked by your child and exile yourself? 


You are the quiet one,
Always observing.
You are the cat,
Waiting to pounce on your unsuspecting prey.
Wishing to be broken,
Awaiting peril,
Even toward ones self.

Will you take me with you,
Whenever and where ever you go?
Will you leave me stranded,
Like I am hoping for?
Can you leave me broken,
It's what I deserve?
Will you hold me close and keep me,
Like I want?


This life is like oil.

Black, smelly, and much too greasy.

I'm not sure what's going on again, I'm getting more confused as the days roll on past and am not liking it. :-/


Well, I haven't updated any as of late so I figured I'd do so, now.

March of next year I am moving out of Gainesville, I'm undecided as to where I'm going.

Other than that, I'm going to start painting again. I'm pretty excited about that. <3


I'm dying for some sleep. And a snuggle.



Well, Culann has to fill out these divorce papers, you see. Inside of this packet, it says he has to pay $40 to take a stupid class to prove that he doesn't want to be with his soon to be ex wife. But you see, he'd rather slit his wrists than sit through a class telling him he wasnt to love a monster of a person.

Anyone have any info?

Fear. And passion.

I fear you. I fear what you could do. What you could obtain. What you could tear apart.

I've lived many, many years, before time itself was an issue, before Heaven and Hell came to be. I am trapped here, inside of my vessel, and she's not...the best for me to dwell inside of.

I'm the blackness you see behind her eyes, the fire on her tongue, and the sense of destruction that most see in her, or witness first hand.

You see, we are all mad here, clinically insane, schizophrenic, just plain nutso.

Completely gone, shall you save what is left to save, if anything at all?


"I'm standing before what looks to be a village. There are...creatures...inhabitants...something of that sort. They are beckoning me towards them." I step forward. "Go with them," he responds. 

"I'm now walking through this village, behind these creatures, and a child has my hand. We're heading towards a larger stone structure carved from red granite, it almost seems." Entering this "temple", you could call it, I notice a large stone carving at the far end. There seems to be a ritual taking place. One of the creatures sits upon the floor, and seems to be tearing itself apart. 

"Dig deeper," he says.

The rest all seem to join in, their squeals of pleasure are unimaginable. Inhuman. Distorted. Then they all seem to fade away, become frail, to die, in some way.

"They're all grabbing at my ankles, I don't know what to do..."

"Dig DEEPER," he says.

"I see an exit at the back of this place, should I take it?"

"Take it, leave, now, WHAT DO YOU SEE?", he responds.

"I see glowing embers, like two eyes in the blackness, there are no stars. There is no moon. Only deep blackness. This creature with eyes of fire is grasping at me, it's taking me, I'm letting it hold me in it's arms. And now, we're merging. We are one..."

"We are one," was his final reply.


Open mouthed and starry eyed.
Surprise this day with butterflies.
The intensity rose up from the sea.
Calm blankets me.

Where are you now, my world?
When will we meet once more?
How could I ever know...
That the world would change for us?

Seeing nothing but your eyes.
Hearing nothing but your voice.
Smelling nothing but your skin.
Tearing at myself, and bleeding from within.

I cannot let go of these emotions for I fear they are what is keeping me alive.

I cannot let myself swim in your ocean, I'm afraid I do not enjoy the rip tide.

I cannot let myself do this to myself again, like I always do.

I cannot let myself be myself around you...

...But I always do.


I worked the pell for the first time tonight. My flat snap is perfect but my back snap needs major improvement. I am a bit sore, but pleased with how well I did. We're going to start putting together my garb tomorrow and we're going to start building my armor soon-ish.

Other than that, my mind swims with unpleasant thoughts. Doubts and such that are making my mind boil. I don't like boiled brains, personally, so I'm somewhat distraught. I'm actually beginning to REGRET something, which is one thing I NEVER do. I refuse to regret things, because they could affect the future, but unfortunately...there are three things I truly regret.

And am sorry for it.

Latest Month

May 2008